The worst advice I ever received
Have you ever received bad advice? I have.
Perhaps they had the best intentions. Perhaps it worked for them (or so they thought).
I was recently reflecting on the worst advice I’d received and a few things came to mind. Often, the advice was unsolicited. This said more about that person than me.
It was delivered in a know-it-all tone, because that person had “seen it all before”. It came from someone who was a lot older, who (falsely) believed that age equals wisdom. And there was no room for discussion or consideration of what I actually wanted or otherwise knew. Can you relate?
Here they are:
It’s common for men to beat their wives in Cambodia. This “advice” was unsolicited and given to explain that my father beating my mother in the past was culturally not that unusual. However, it doesn’t make domestic violence acceptable. Nor was it either remotely helpful or empathetic. And certainly not something to be shared in this context i.e. me moving to a new country. This attitude, offensive remark and ignorance set the tone for the rest of the awful advice that was to follow.
Cambodia does not need you. When I first contemplated my move to Cambodia, I was told that Cambodia didn’t need me. Cambodians had survived the Khmer Rouge regime so they were beyond resilient and didn’t need anyone coming in to tell them what to do. I was surprised that he would make such a sweeping statement on behalf of the country. And that he’d assumed I was moving here because I thought Cambodia needed me or that I was going to tell anyone what to do. People will often wrongly make assumptions about your motivations instead of ask you. This will then drive their wrong advice. Which may also be intended to discourage you. But don’t let any of that stop you. Know your own motivations and your why. They will be your guide posts throughout the journey.
Don’t think that you can change Cambodia because it will change you. After the second bit of advice, I realise now that this was probably more about his own experience and projections, than about me. However, at the time I was puzzled. He had assumed I had a saviour complex by wanting to become an NGO volunteer. Again, it was the wrong assumption and he never asked me about it. In any case, I certainly expected my Cambodian experience would naturally change me, but that’s because I kept an open mind and curiosity. This kind of mindset helps with any new challenge you are embarking upon.
Stick to what you know. I was moving from corporate law to an NGO - not as a forever thing. However, the tone of his advice implied that we should never venture further than our current role, industry or comfort zone as this is too risky and pointless. I could see how his own fears were showing up in this conversation. Once a lawyer, always a lawyer he believed. Until I decided to become a Transformation Coach. And Business Consultant. Have you been discouraged by someone and told to stay in your lane? Not to try something new? That it’s too late? Even if we try something and it doesn’t work out, we need to learn our own lessons. If we always stick to what we know then we’ll never know what we are capable of, or what we truly don’t like. Don’t limit yourself before you’ve even had a chance to consider what else there is.
So, what’s the worst piece of advice you’ve ever received? I’d love to know.
